Pride and Prejudice, sans Jane Austin
I talked with an old college roommate last week, and he said that while he enjoyed my blog, he hated hearing my voice in his head speak the words as he was reading them. He said that I generally don’t speak in this style that I am writing in, and it really pisses him off. Naturally, that only encouraged me to continue writing.
For those of you playing the home game, I was accepted into the Second City Conservatory. [The e-mailing actress referred to in the previous entry was also accepted.] So yeah, rock on! Woo hoo! Boo ya!
A few days after I found out I had gotten in, I was chatting with another actress who had also qualified for the conservatory. At one point she asked if I was proud of it. I was taken aback at first. After thinking a moment, I responded that I wasn't proud, but rather, I was extremely excited. I was recognized as being worth the conservatory’s time and resources to cultivate into an improvisational performer, and I was totally pumped about the experiences and training I was about to encounter. I still am very stoked about the program; I start August 1. But what lingered in the back of my mind is why I was so startled at the notion of being proud of my acceptance.
Further reflection reminded me that I had felt the emotion of pride when I learned I felt stronger in my audition than some of the other actors. Perhaps pride, or being proud of oneself, has less to do with the self and more to do with the surrounding people. To be proud is to measure oneself as superior to another. It involves the process of estimating one’s own worth in comparison to others’ worth. It is contrary to self-esteem, which should be more of an internal conception of self worth. Along these lines, having good self-esteem means being confident.
Ok, great. So we’ve defined pride and confidence, and showed how they can be different. Yippy skippy. But this isn’t a psychology paper. So what’s the point?!
Good question. My guess is that while I pursue this ideal of everlasting confidence, I must make sure to keep pride out of it. Being proud will drive a wedge between myself and other members of this intricate industry, and in a business so dependent on making connections with other people, this would be suicide. Being proud can also turn people into egocentric bastards, and that’s just not a cool way to live.
All things considered, I guess I’m glad I was disconcerted by the question, “Are you proud?” My reaction seems to indicate that I don’t want to be tainted with pride; I instead want to be purely confident in what I can do and eager to learn from the talented actors I will no doubt meet through my experiences in Second City. The question turned into a subtle reminder that the road ahead is hard and that I’m only at the beginning of my journey. Still, it’s been fun, and it helps to know that at least I’m better than my old roommate, but only because he’s such a wanker. That, my friends, is something to be legitimately proud of.
For those of you playing the home game, I was accepted into the Second City Conservatory. [The e-mailing actress referred to in the previous entry was also accepted.] So yeah, rock on! Woo hoo! Boo ya!
A few days after I found out I had gotten in, I was chatting with another actress who had also qualified for the conservatory. At one point she asked if I was proud of it. I was taken aback at first. After thinking a moment, I responded that I wasn't proud, but rather, I was extremely excited. I was recognized as being worth the conservatory’s time and resources to cultivate into an improvisational performer, and I was totally pumped about the experiences and training I was about to encounter. I still am very stoked about the program; I start August 1. But what lingered in the back of my mind is why I was so startled at the notion of being proud of my acceptance.
Further reflection reminded me that I had felt the emotion of pride when I learned I felt stronger in my audition than some of the other actors. Perhaps pride, or being proud of oneself, has less to do with the self and more to do with the surrounding people. To be proud is to measure oneself as superior to another. It involves the process of estimating one’s own worth in comparison to others’ worth. It is contrary to self-esteem, which should be more of an internal conception of self worth. Along these lines, having good self-esteem means being confident.
Ok, great. So we’ve defined pride and confidence, and showed how they can be different. Yippy skippy. But this isn’t a psychology paper. So what’s the point?!
Good question. My guess is that while I pursue this ideal of everlasting confidence, I must make sure to keep pride out of it. Being proud will drive a wedge between myself and other members of this intricate industry, and in a business so dependent on making connections with other people, this would be suicide. Being proud can also turn people into egocentric bastards, and that’s just not a cool way to live.
All things considered, I guess I’m glad I was disconcerted by the question, “Are you proud?” My reaction seems to indicate that I don’t want to be tainted with pride; I instead want to be purely confident in what I can do and eager to learn from the talented actors I will no doubt meet through my experiences in Second City. The question turned into a subtle reminder that the road ahead is hard and that I’m only at the beginning of my journey. Still, it’s been fun, and it helps to know that at least I’m better than my old roommate, but only because he’s such a wanker. That, my friends, is something to be legitimately proud of.
posted by Booter at 11:20 AM
2 Comments:
As the "wanker" in question I feel it is my duty to say "kiss my ass Booter". Also while I'm here I must disagree with at least part of your definition of pride. I don't believe pride to necessarily be an external only thing that we use to measure someone as being superior to another. For example, I'm proud of accomplishments I've done at work. Not because I did it better than someone else (which, as I'm the only one there, would be an impossibility) but rather because it's something I've done that I didn't think I could and therefore by exceeding my own expectations I feel a sense of accomplishment. I suppose to you could, in an abstract sense, consider it me feeling superior to myself but then who am I, me or myself in this matter? Oh man, I am freaking out! Pride can be a good, something that challenges us to do better and improve ourselves. I don't think there's anything wrong with pride until it becomes so great that it spills over into egotism. And that's where the problem begins. But that's just one wanker's opinion. And just remember: when in doubt, blame it on Booter.
You should take great pride in your humility.
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